I use the term "strong" because I believe it takes great strength to ask for help.
And I am definately at a point in my life that I am asking, begging, internally screaming for help.
I've always maintained employment, however, I just recently became employed with a great, stable, secure company. This was my goal, my dream, my promise to my girls and myself, but because I'm now a few dollars (literally) over the "below poverty" level, I've been cut-off of public assistance. Which, in theory, is what we all want, however, my rent alone is much more than half of my monthly income. The foodstamps I had been receiving were literally keeping us afloat, and as of next month I no longer receive them. On top of that, I live in San Diego, CA, one of the most expensive places to live in the nation, and I just received a 30 day notice to quit.
I have a 4 yr old and a 9 yr old, both who are suffering the loss of their fathers due to incarceration. My youngest daughter's Father has been in prison in TX for almost 2 years now, we were together for 5 years, and moved to TX for a chance to better ourselves for our children. Unfortunately, he made some poor choices which has affected all of us. This is why I chose to come back to CA, so my children could at least know the few family members I have left. My oldest daughters Father remained in the Bay Area where we are from, and we maintained a decent relationship. Early on, he was abusive and I left him when my baby was 1 yr. old. But, over the years we developed a strained friendship for the sake of our daughter. Tragically, 2 months ago - He beat up his current girlfriend and he is now facing some serious time. He was never consistant with money, but I could rely on $100.00 or so every few months, you'd be surprised how much that was needed.
So now, here I am - I am 32 yrs old, I have 2 incredibly gifted, sweet, well mannered, beautiful girls who don't deserve to suffer like this. I am a very positive, extremely caring and conscience woman, and yet the example of men I have shown them is heart-breaking. These 2 wonderful, hard working men who made horrible choices that will affect me and daughters forever. Because of them, my daughters know heartache, dis-illusionment, and now are facing true poverty. I made a promise to never "bad-mouth" their Fathers and I have remained faithful to that promise for 9 yrs now, but I'm beginning to wonder if it still matters; They have seen the truth. They are the Truth.
If you are reading this:
I truly hope you have never experienced the pain of explaining to your children why Daddy isn't coming home. Or why we have to sell some of Mommy's stuff. Or why they have to go the babysitter "again" because Mommy needs to work an extra shift.
And better yet...I sincerely hope and pray that you and your family will never experience the fear and terror that comes when you cannot provide for your children.
